Ashamed

Therapized, manipulated and insulted

I stand before you

I ask you, once and for all

Do I mean little to you

I’m disturbed, distraught, in need of love

Struggling to ingest overcooked food

I shame myself for what I do

and yet I fail to be so good

The sun's shimmery warmth

Basks my room every new morning

I wake up unsettled, with a broken heart

Sigh, I long to see the night

People say I’m beautiful,

hard to move on from

I’ve heard this multiple times

and I’m sure of what would come

And I’ve lived to see the end

The grave of lost lovers,

I weep in their demise

I’m a well-packed box of pipette tips

Convenient to use, easy to discard

You eat your words, you eat your guilt

You sure as fuck look happy to me

I need a way to cope, to breathe

to stay on the pill or to abstain

to smell of spirits or taste like dried leaves

To live life with a mangled face

or to rest in peace for all my crimes

I know I’ve lived an unholy life

Drowned and bathed with loathe and guilt

I cry for my mum and I cry for my dad

I just want my innocence back